Quotes/Season 1
Here is a list of memorable quotes from Season 1. Pilot :"Debra, I brought you some baking soda for your fridge. I smelled something questionable." ::— Marie [src] :Marie: "That's an award your brother got for his sports column." :Robert: "Never ends for Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. I go to work, people shoot at me. Ray goes to work, people do the wave." ::— Marie and Robert [src] :"I think I'm having sex. Oh, good old sex. I'm gonna do new stuff." ::— Ray [src] :"Holy crap!" ::— Frank [src] :"I can't talk! There's too much fruit in the house!" ::— Marie complaining about the Fruit of the Month Club [src] I Love You :"Stupid stinkin' hump!" ::— Frank [src] I Wish I Were Gus :"Can Hitler have a juice box?" ::— Frank referring to Geoffrey's fake mustache [src] Standard Deviation :Bernie: "I gotta take this test! I just hope I'm stupid enough." :Ray: "Don't worry." ::— Bernie and Ray talking about Robert's IQ test [src] :"Mmmm, fudgy." ::— Ray describing chocolate ice cream [src] Look Don't Touch :Debra: "It's like It's a Wonderful Life. There's no Debra." :Ray: "Well then it's not a wonderful life, is it." ::— Ray and Debra [src] :"Geez-a-loo." ::— Frank [src] Frank, the Writer :"Why are we hiding today, Ray?" ::— Debra [src] Your Place or Mine? :"I've got the complete works of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Except the one where he gets pregnant." ::— Frank [src] In-Laws :Lois: "We're going to Vietnam." :Frank: "Vietnam?! What, do you owe Charlie some payback?" ::— Lois and Frank [src] :Warren: "How's police work treating you?" :Robert: "Well, ya know, one day you're rescuing a puppy and the next day you're fishing a skull out of a toilet." ::— Warren and Robert [src] Win, Lose or Draw :Marie: "If you don't give Ray his money, you're not the man I married." :Frank: "I win again." ::— Marie and Frank discussing his poker winnings [src] Turkey or Fish :Debra: "Listen, just stir those onions, would you? Not too fast, not too fast! You're crushing the skins." :Ray: "Oh, you're reminding me that the Cowboys are crushing the Skins right now." ::— Debra and Ray on Thanksgiving Day [src] :Mel: "Fred and Bishop are parking the car." :Debra: "Fred and Bishop?" :Mel: "They're friends of mine. We're not gay." ::— Mel and Debra [src] Captain Nemo :Ray: "Ally? She knocked down a boy?" :Debra: "A big guy. She, like, gave him this hip check like Mark Messier." ::— Ray and Debra [src] The Ball :Robert: "I bet you can't even name the reindeer." :Frank: "Oh, uh, Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen... Those are the main ones." ::— Robert and Frank [src] Debra's Sick :"I'm here, don't worry!" ::— Marie [src] Who's Handsome? :"Most of the women I talk to are in handcuffs. And then half of them turn out to be men." ::— Robert [src] The Car :"Is this about me?" ::— Robert [src] Diamonds :"Yeah, it's all about you, Raymond." ::— Robert [src] The Game :Marie: "We haven't had a conversation in 35 years." :Frank: "I didn't want to interrupt." ::— Marie and Frank [src] :"I don't like games. Follow the rules, pay attention, wait your turn... It's just like work dressed up like play." ::— Frank [src] Recovering Pessimist :Debra: "A beautiful famous skater has just told you how much she loves your work. What can be better than that?" :Ray: "I could be single." ::— Debra and Ray talking about Katarina Witt [src] :Ray: "Honey, this is Marv Albert." :Debra: "Yes!" ::— Ray and Debra, with Debra imitating Marv Albert [src] The Dog :"Robert loved that dog. He named him Shamsky, after his favorite ball player." ::— Ray talking about Robert and Shamsky Number 1 [src] Neighbors :"You're talking about the noise. The car alarm, the buzz saw, my mom..." ::— Ray addressing the neighbors [src] :Priest: "Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?" :Ray: "Yes!" :Priest: "You're absolved." ::— Priest and Ray [src] Fascinatin' Debra :Dr. Nora: "So Ray, what's it like having three children under the age of 5?" :Ray: "Well, I like to tell people it's kinda like a frat house. Yeah. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up." ::— Dr. Nora and Ray [src] :"Way back when I was doing PR for a hockey team...and I know what you're gonna say: "Oh! A woman in hockey?" But actually, um, it wasn't as, um, well... I'm not sure if that's the, uh, information you're looking for. Would you like me to get right to our sex life?" ::— Debra trying to get Dr. Nora's attention [src] Why Are We Here? :"Am I a man or what?!" ::— Ray when he finds out Debra is pregnant with twin boys [src]